Time for a New Story

Jeff, a man in his late 30s battling recurrent drug abuse and serial seductions, woke up in a stranger’s bed and decided – once again – he needed to face his demons. He knew he must turn his life around or it was going to end, and in a very bad way. Jeff sought out a new therapist, another in a long trail of counselors and interventionists. He arrived in this man’s office with his horrific story coursing through his veins, ready to once again let loose the familiar diatribe wound like a noose around his heart. It was a sad and terrible story. Raised in an environment of deep negativity and verbal abuse by parents who were out of touch and unavailable, Jeff was a therapist’s dream. Except, not this therapist’s.

After listening for about 20 minutes to Jeff’s well-versed story of being raised by two narcissistic individuals who had no business ever having had children in the first place, the therapist stopped him.

Jeff?

Yes?

Where are you going with this?

What do you mean? This is my story!

Yeah, I know. And it’s tragic! It’s God-awful! But what do you want from me? ‘Cause if you want my sympathy, man, you got it! That is one fucked up family!

Jeff was silent.

But what is your life now, who are you now?

In that moment, Jeff’s story changed forever.

It is easy to stay stuck in our story. That fuzzy familiar blanket woven from well-worn memories envelopes us in a seductive cloud of all-knowing experience. Retelling and reliving the pain of being abandoned or forgotten or lost reminds us of who we are and how we got here and that we matter. But there comes a time when that same blanket can suffocate us and keep us from moving forward.  At some point, the soft blanket becomes a rough canvas scratching at old scabs and reopening wounds that no longer serve the new person we have become despite our story! It is time for a shift. It is time to re-story.

But I can’t re-write my story! you scream. These things really happened!

Yes, they did. And now, they don’t. Remember the monkey in “The Lion King”? He hits Simba on the head with his walking stick, screeching, “The past is in the past!”

Re-story.

There comes a time when you must let go of the chapters in your life that re-injure you or cause you angst.  Those voices are no longer part of your Once Upon a Time. They are part of The End.

Think about opening the toy box you treasured as a child and acknowledging each item you chose to keep and deciding as a grown-up it is time to either re-gift it or throw it away. Experiences are the same. You are not the same person you were last year or even last week, so how can a 20-year-old negative experience serve the person you are now in this moment? Choose to keep the moments that truly honor the person you are now, that serve you today on your journey to the next level. Re-gift to the Universe those memories that no longer apply.

Perhaps a ceremony of letting go is in order – writing memories down and throwing them in a fire or dropping them in the ocean or burying them in the sand. Forgive parents, siblings, teachers, past friends. You are not denying the experience by letting it go, but rather honoring yourself in the moment and moving on in the here and now.  Celebrate!

To think about:

What is your new story? Is there someone or something you need to forgive so you can live a story that better serves you? What experience do you choose to re-gift to the Universe?

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